Mass Fishing

Ok I’m not actually talking about the horrible over fishing we are doing, I am referring to another kind of hook that I frequently find myself chained to. I’m talking about mass tagging. The name might sound harmless and possibly fun, but in reality this is a cheap ploy at advertising that invades privacy and steps on the accepted bounds of friendship.

When it comes to mass activities, the only ones I’m ok with are hallucinations and races, although preferably not at the same time. Mass tagging is that lovely phenomenon where someone you know or possibly love on Facebook decides that you and 127 other idiots need to be notified about something.

The post could be about anything but it is usually some form of promotional gimmick or “insight”; they are hosting an event, they were inspired to create art at 4am, they finally found that alphabetically-named spot that has been taunting men for forever. So they share their glorious news on social media but in order to make sure that you absolutely pay attention to it, they tag you and other victims in the post. So now, this thing appears on your wall, and you start getting insane notifications by the nano-second that keep your device vibrating in your ass. The problem is that all of this is happening when you are in a meeting with a very important client. Your phone vibrates in your ass. You fidget. Your boss glares at you. The client glares at you. More vibrations, more glares. You want to take out your phone and call this mass tagging asshole and threaten to lay his rectum on an airport runway with heavy incoming traffic, but all you can do for now is grit your teeth. It’s too late, while you were plotting said moron’s demise, the client has stormed out, your boss has fired you, and you will now have to move back into your parent’s house. All because someone in your friends list has mass tagged you.

I absolutely hate being mass tagged on FB. If you are promoting a night, a set, a book, or your body parts, the best you can do is private message me. Don’t hook me in with every alphabetically ordered name in your list. I don’t mass tag people every time I write a blog, the most I would do is PM someone or stand over them with a baseball bat until they read, liked or commented on it.

And let me differentiate, if you are tagging 4 or 5 friends for a funny video or insight, that’s absolutely fine, but when you start chaining me with people I don’t even know, I have a right to get angry. If you get to mass tag me, then I get to slap stickers of my brand on your face every time I see you in public.

It’s enough that we are submerged with ads in our modern lives. Pretty soon, we are going to be forced to sit through commercials before we have access to toilet paper in the bathroom. Talk about being caught with your pants down. My point is that we have enough ads. Mass tagging to me is another form of advertising and I sincerely resent having to deal with that from friends on social media. If you can’t leave your social media network for social non-promotional activities, then the only technology you should have access to are electric toothbrushes and super-sized dildos.

mass fag

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