Life is great, but it’s not all ice creams and summer vacations. During the course of life, you will be faced with two unpleasant and uncomfortable things; enemies and enemas. Both can be painful, degrading, and despite the slight spelling difference, both do belong in your butt.

You probably got acquainted with enemas or suppositories first. I had a real scare when my parents forced my first glycerin bullet up my rear. I can understand why they would want to get this over with as soon as possible, but there’s really no need for the tactic. First, loving mommy and daddy corner you in a locked room. You can already sense the tension in the air by the way they say your name, like nothing and everything is wrong. In a flash, one parent is holding you down while the other exposes your petite derriere to the chilling draft of a fortified room. To add insult to injury, with no warning at all, some pointy thing makes its way inside a hole you so far know only as “Exit”, hereby shattering your belief in constant concepts.

The misery doesn’t end there; your parents have to hold you down for some time otherwise you would just stand up and fart the intruder back in their faces. So you are held down, whimpering, while doting parents shush you like a wild animal about to be put to sleep. After they are satisfied that said slick medication has dissolved, you are allowed your freedom and modesty back (temporarily anyway, till the medication starts its expulsive magic).

Just like suppositories, enemies will present themselves in painful situations in life. They shame you, force you to feel uncomfortable, and will certainly put you in compromising positions. And even if you do eventually become sodomistcally inclined, enemies will always be the more painful of the two.

Luckily though, just as enemas eventually do offer some relief, so too can the snakes that slither around you. One of the greatest things about being in uncomfortable or negative situations is that it can challenge you to brainstorm your way out of it, or find a solution. If you have that one slut in the office whose very pulse causes you to cringe, eventually your inner warrior will find clever ways to avoid/manipulate/kill said germ without leaving a trace.

The journey might be painful, but learning how to make the most even of bad situations is an invaluable skill that can do wonders in the long run. If everything went your way in life instead of against the stream, you’d grow up to be whiny wuss or the subject of many voodoo dolls. The scars help mold you into a stronger, better version of yourself, so welcome those enemas and enemies with open cheeks and arms.

Enemies & Enemas

• Both are misrepresented by advertising and packaging
• Both will cost you something, although one is cheaper, and it’s not the one you find on shelves
• Both work behind the scenes to make you miserable, although one offers faster relief
• Both are mass produced, although one comes in all shapes and sizes
• Both are a pain in the ass yet both belong where the sun doesn’t shine