Friends come in all sizes and shapes but one of the greatest ones to have is a blow-up doll. Whether you like the slutty kinds or not, these inflatable companions can fill in marvelously for where a lot of real people fall flat. They come in a great variety; blow up whales, dolphins, crabs, clowns, monsters, etc… . And now that summer is in full inferno mode, these water-resistant pals are even greater as you can drag one for support to any body of water.

Let’s face it; blow up toys are just as much fun in your one-digit years as they are in your nearing-mid-life-crises years. And it goes well beyond the act of blowing; take a look at some of the pluses of donning a bubble friend:

• They never tell you what to do, put you down, or judge you (well sometimes they might judge you but at least they keep their nasty air-headed opinions to themselves).
• You never have to worry about buying them drinks; they gladly take whatever is spilled their way, be it in the form of alcohol or other…liquids.
• You can lean on them.
• They will never pee in the pool; unlike those people that stay in the water for hours drinking beer.
• You will finally have someone to talk to so people will think you are less insane.
• They stay erect far longer than many people.
• They are very sociable.
• They don’t need to go to the bathroom so they can hold your bag/drink as you tinkle.
• They will never give you an STD, although they may be responsible for some chaffing or scars.
• If someone is boring you at a party, you can secretly deflate your doll and give it to the motor mouth to blow, basically shutting them up at least for a few moments.

Aside from the myriad of benefits, blow-up friends are also great conversation starters and ice breakers. I mean, think about it, how many times have you taken that one awkward friend to a party and had tons of people swarm you to touch him and tell you how cute your friend is? Exactly, never! However the minute you walk in with this bubble head on your arm people will flock to it like idiots to reality TV.

And aside from the cute ones, let’s not forget the world of good that the sex dolls have bestowed upon man. How many a girl’s orifice has been spared senseless pounding thanks to the eternally gaping silicone babes who have taken many for the team? So before you judge or say ‘ew’ at that voiceless femme, remember that she could be sparing  you a horrendous experience.

You don’t have to take it as far as this guy, but if you come across a toy that you see a potential future with, you should invest in that sucker and head out for the great adventure. Parties and events are certainly much more fun with this thing on your arm, and will nurture your precious inner child.  All in all, plastic friends can be valuable additions to social events, life and genital health. And in our crazy world today, this is one kind of blow up that won’t hurt anyone.